Power of Parenting :

Power of Parenting - Quotes from Oscar Murphy Life

1. As a Parent you are never a friend of your children, but be friendly.

2. Parenting responsibility is to help move your children from a dependence to independence.

3. Children understand love through your everyday actions of loving demonstration with care and friendliness

4. Money cannot buy everything, surely not the love of your children

5. Learn to talk to your children by putting yourself in their situation and play with them the way they wish to play

6. Make your children think by thinking up right questions that enable them to find their own solutions

7. Avoid criticizing your children in order to prevent a void in their self esteem

8. Advice is a vice that kills the ability of your children to think right

9. The weapon of ‘APPRECIATION’ helps build a powerful self confidence in children

10. Criticism hammers the children’s self –confidence into broken pieces - difficult to put back

11. Encouragement builds children’s self-belief, while discouragement destroys it.

12. Children grow when you encourage them without your rage 

13. Giving and forgiving are your effective tools in parenting

14. Children learn many things just by watching you, so learn to behave yourself

15. Give your children the freedom to learn from mistakes and grow

www.oscarmurphy.com

Parents cant fake emotion to even 18 year old baby

Toronto: Babies as young as 18 months old can detect when a person's facial expression does not match the experience, a new study has found. Researchers from Concordia University, Canada, found that infants can detect whether a person's emotions are justifiable given a particular context.

The study shows that babies understand how the meaning of an experience is directly linked to the expressions that follow.
"Our research shows that babies cannot be fooled into believing something that causes pain results in pleasure. Adults often try to shield infants from distress by putting on a happy face following a negative experience," said psychology professor Diane Poulin-Dubois.

"But babies know the truth: as early as 18 months, they can implicitly understand which emotions go with which events," she said.

To perform the research, Poulin-Dubois and PhD candidate Sabrina Chiarella recruited 92 infants at the 15 and 18-month mark.

In a lab setting, the babies watched as an actor went through several scenarios in which emotional reactions went with or against pantomimed experiences.In one scenario, the researcher showed a mismatched emotion by being sad when presented with a desired toy. In another, she expressed an emotion that went with the experience by reacting in pain when pretending to hurt her finger.

At 15 months, the infants did not show a significant difference in reactions to these events, showing empathy through their facial expressions to all sad faces.  This indicates that the understanding of the link between a facial expression following an emotional experience is an ability that has yet to develop at that stage. At 18 months, however, the infants clearly detected when facial expressions did not match the experience.

They spent more time looking at the researcher's face and checked back more frequently with the caregiver in the room with them so that they could gauge the reaction of a trusted source.They also showed empathy toward the person only when her sad face was justified; that is, only when the researcher was sad or in pain when she was supposed to be. 

"The ability to detect sadness and then react immediately has an evolutionary implication. However, to function effectively in the social world, children need to develop the ability to understand others' behaviours by inferring what is going on internally for those around them," Chiarella said. The study was published in Infancy: The Official Journal of the International Society on Infant Studies. 

Why Do Teenagers Get Depressed? New Age Parenting

 

Adolescence is a stage of life when teenagers go through a period of uncertainty and confusion as they try to find their feet and establish their independence. Everything seems in a state of flux - their moods, their bodies, and their relationships with family and friends. They are painfully conscious of their maturing bodies. They feel socially inept. They swing wildly between being shy and embarrassed to brash and rebellious in a bid to disguise their insecurities and confusion. Most teenagers emerge unscathed or maybe with just a few nicks and bruises. But there are others who just cannot cope with the tumult of emotions and they fall into a depression.

Depression is an all-encompassing gloom that envelops every aspect of a person's existence. It is different from the sadness one feels when one thinks of a rift within the family or the unhappiness associated with the failure to get into the university of your choice. Depression is not a mood or a phase. A depressed person feels that there is something fundamentally wrong with him and his life. He feels incapable of handling the smallest problems. He feels that nothing ever goes his way and that may be he doesn't deserve to be happy.

Signs of depression

Defeatist attitude: Depressed teenagers feel that they are destined to fail at anything that they attempt. They take failure personally seeing it as being directly related to their personalities rather than to anything they might have done. For instance, if they are snubbed at a party by an acquaintance, they will assume that it is because they are boring and not worth knowing. A normal teenager would just shrug it off and move on to the next person. As a result of this defeatist attitude, depressed teenagers rarely make the effort to do anything because they believe that they will fail anyway.

Impulsive behaviour: Teenagers affected by depression also tend to act on impulse. They feel that since they have no control over their circumstances and cannot seem to find a solution to any of their problems, they should do something and then forget about it.

Socially withdrawn: A depressed teenager is often withdrawn and antisocial because he feels that nobody would want him around. He feels that he has nothing of interest to say and does not have the necessary social skills to make him well-liked. He will avoid volunteering for any group activities assuming that he will be a burden and that he has nothing of value to contribute.

Uncomfortable sharing personal information: Teenagers afflicted with depression are uncomfortable talking about themselves because they think that the listener will judge them and find them wanting in every way. They do not want to open themselves up to any possible disapproval or criticism, which they take for granted as being forthcoming.

Psychosomatic illnesses: Depression can result in a teenager displaying psychosomatic symptoms like dizzy spells, headaches, stomachaches, etc. in an attempt to garner some sympathy. They feel that this is the only way they can get some positive attention. Their supposed indisposition can also get them out of uncomfortable situations that they may not want to face.

Wants to be someone else: A teenager is usually depressed because he doesn't like the person he is. He attributes all his problems to some basic flaw in his personality. Often he looks at his peers, especially the popular ones, and wishes he looked like them or had their money or their intelligence, which would guarantee that people would like him and find him interesting.

The MMS Incident : New Age Parenting

 

The incident of a DPS student filming a sexually explicit video clip of his classmate and forwarding the clip via MMS to his friends has shocked the entire nation. What's happening to our values?

The MMS incident in Delhi has shocked the entire nation. A DPS (Delhi Public School) student filmed a sexually explicit video clip of his classmate in a compromising position on his cell phone, forwarded the video via MMS to his friends. Before long, the video was circulated to almost everyone in school, and to their friends. The principal got wind of it and expelled the two students in the video.

The two children were from respectable, well off families, and that they decided to take part in an act such as this came as a shock to all parents. After all, if your child's friends were having sex in school, you may suddenly feel that it is very possible your child is having sex as well.

A teenager cannot easily tell right from wrong. If most of your child's friends are indulging in some form of sexual behaviour while still in high school, your child may not think it is such a wrong thing to do. At this age it is also easy to get carried away by the entire illicitness of the act and make the grave mistake of filming it, like these students did.

Who is to blame? Is it the institution, the parents, peer pressure, or the erosion of our value system?

Parents are pointing fingers at the school, saying that the school's complete lack of discipline is to blame, while the school says the problem lies with the upbringing of the children and the lack of family values.

Clearly the answer is not so easy. The school has taken a firm step by banning the use of mobile phones with cameras in school. Here's what you as a parent can do.

 

1. If you would like your child to carry a mobile phone, ensure that it is a basic one. Don't give him a mobile phone with a camera.
   
   

2. Software that blocks internet access to adult sites has been available in the market for a long time now. Make sure you get the software and install it on your computer at home. Easy access to illicit information is also a major cause of the trouble. Even if your child surfs the web regularly and doesn't try to get on to porn sites, often one stumbles across such sites by mistake.
   
   

3. Similarly your child's friend may forward adult links or adult clips to your child. To prevent this, install software that prevents your child from downloading anything from the web. If your child just needs the computer to browse for information and check his mail, there is really no need for him to download anything. However, if your child is more computer savvy and would like to download music and programmes, you should not discourage such activity.
   
   

4. Remember that you can only prevent your child from doing something to a certain extent. If your child is determined to do it anyway, he will find a way. The best thing that you as a parent can do is to show complete disapproval of a particular activity, so that if your child does something behind your back, he knows that you will not approve. If he feels you will not mind, it becomes easier for him to do it.
   
   

5. Don't have unrealistic expectations from your child. If you are very strict, your child will feel that you do not understand him anyway and will not have much faith in your judgement. If you are understanding to a certain extent, your child will value your opinion much more.

 

 

 

For Parenet Counselling in Ranchi, log on to :http://www.psychographicsociety.com/index.html or Call 9709534303 

Helping your Teenager Overcome Depression : New Age Parenting

 

• The first thing to do is to help your teenager set realistic short-term goals. Ask him for suggestions on how he would like to improve his life. Then help him identify some simple steps he can take to achieve these goals. Remember not to set goals, which are unattainable, as this will just reinforce his belief that he is a failure. On the other hand, do not aim for things that are easily attainable. The whole idea is that your teenager must feel that he has been equal to the challenge.

• Make sure that you encourage him at every step and help him in every way possible without actually doing his work for him. For instance, if he wants to audition for a play, help him rehearse and boost his confidence without giving him false hope.

• If he fails to reach his set goals, do not try to sweep it under the carpet and smooth it over with inanities like "you'll do better next time." Acknowledge his failure and discuss why it happened. Maybe he gave up too easily or didn't study hard enough or had a panic attack. It's important to get this out in the open so that you know what your teenager attributes his failure to and correct any misconceptions that he may have.

• Do not compare your teenager to his peers and find him wanting. Don't say things like "why can't you be like that?" You will just be reinforcing his belief that he's not good enough the way he is, even for you. You have to teach him that he can admire others without necessarily envying them. If he comments in an envious tone about another teenager's attributes, admit that the other child is good, but point out something that your teenager is good at.

• Depressed teenagers tend to vacillate over every decision. This is because they don't trust their own judgement and need to be constantly reassured that they are doing the 'right thing.' You have to help your teenager make decisions in a way that he will learn to trust his own judgement. It is also important that you insist that once he has made a choice, he must go through with it and cope with the consequences, whatever they are.

• Short-term measures like buying your teenager tickets to a concert or taking him for a holiday are not going to alleviate his depression. You are going to have to sit down and talk to him about what exactly it is that bothers him and how he can overcome it. You have to take steps to make him feel empowered so that he feels that he can effectively accomplish the things he sets out to do.

Source : India parenting

For Parent Counselling in Ranchi, Call 9709534303 or visit us at: Psychographic Society, City Centre, Club Road, Ranchi

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Love thy Teenager : New Age Parenting

 

Sahil, a 17-year-old school boy, stormed into his house grumpily from school. Flinging his bag at the corner he went to his room. He switched on his stereo system and started to listen to loud music, ignoring the calls of his mother. Finally, his mother walked into the room and paused, "Sahil! How many times have I told you not to play your music so loud at this hour? It disturbs old Mr Rajan and all the neighbours who take their afternoon nap around now. And why did you throw your bag in the living room?" As Sahil's mother droned on, Sahil's only reply was a baleful look.

The teen years are often seen as quite tumultuous by many parents. These are years of intense growth, including physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and moral growth. Children at this age are trying to find their place in the world and it is important for parents to attempt to be caring and loving towards their offspring. With a little guidance, you as a parent can peacefully co-exist with your teenagers during these years as well.

One of the most common hallmarks of teens is said to be their rebellious nature. They are not only seen as individuals who aspire to push the envelope, but also as rebels who often disregard valuable advice from their seniors while doing so. This image is stereotypical and not entirely true. You need to understand how your children are growing and learn how to respond to these changes in behaviour in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts with your teens.

Empathise

In order to understand and love your teenager you need to learn to empathise with him or her. Empathy is all about putting yourself in someone else's shoes. In this case, it is trying to remember how it was for you when you were a teenager and trying to look at their world through their eyes.

Allow for independence

It is important for you to understand that your children are growing into budding adults, and so they require their privacy and independence. This is normal. Yet, as a responsible parent, you do need to have an idea about what your children are up to. It is important for reasons of safety to ensure that parents know where, or with whom, their children are, and what activities they are involved in. At the same time, as a parent you need to respect their space, and understand that you cannot hope to be part of every area in your children's life. It will require a very fine sense of balance to do this juggling act.

Understand your teen's anger

The teenage years characteristically induce feelings of insecurity. These are the years where peer pressure peaks and your child transcend from being, just kid to a young adult. There is a lot of uncertainty and confusion for your kids regarding their future and what they want to be.

It is important for you to understand their feelings and their point of view. Try to ascertain the source of their anger and insecurities. Remember that you are trying to help them resolve their issues; do not let the discussions degenerate into shouting matches that have no winners. You need to guide your children to express their anger in acceptable ways. It is also important for parents to continue to be role models for their teens. They are as impressionable as young children and often copy the behaviour of their parents.

Avoid arguments on perception

Try to avoid arguing with your teens about how they see the world. Instead, clarify your position and explain why you feel that way about a certain issue. Do not lecture or preach to your teens, but rather, try to come down to their level and empathise with them. Think out your arguments before you actually present them to your children. Also, while having a discussion with your teen, stick to one issue at a time. This will help ensure that there is no loss of focus and it results in a clear message to your teens. This might also help prevent misinterpretations.

Talk to your teen

As a loving parent, remember to take time out during the day to sit with your teens and talk to them. Learn about how their day was, and what activities they have been involved in during the day. Ensure that your conversation involves them, or it will turn into a monologue, or worse still "another lecture" from their point of view. Towards this end, discourage 'one-word' responses from your children. One way to achieve this is by posing open-ended questions, answers to which will have to be more than a yes or no. Take advantage of spare time available to you, for instance while driving or waiting in queues, to talk with your teens.

Reinforce your relationship

Telling your teens that you love them is not enough at times. You need to express your love in a way that they can appreciate. Try to show your teen that you are confident of their capabilities. Try to recognise their efforts at being independent and acknowledge them for this. Create family rituals—activities that involve getting parents and teens together on a weekly or daily basis.

By trying to put yourself in your teen's shoes and empathising with them you will learn to understand them even more and have a more fruitful experience as they grow. Soon the teen years will be terrific rather than torturous for both of you.

Source: India Parenting

Teenagers and Peer Pressure : New Age Parenting

Vidya Bhagwat was horrified when she caught her teenage son trying to creep into the house in an obviously inebriated condition at three in the morning. She recounts, "I was shocked to see my 14-year-old son reeking of alcohol and barely able to stand on his feet. I could see that there was no point talking to him right then, but I didn't spare him the next day. His excuse was that all his friends were drinking and he didn't want to be a prude. And then to make things worse, he actually began to argue saying that it wasn't a 'big deal' anyway and that he knew I wouldn't understand."

 

 

Sumit Roy found a packet of cigarettes in his 16-year-old son's backpack. He says, "I just didn't know how to react. I confronted Amish and he had the audacity to tell me that I couldn't say anything to him, as I was a smoker myself. Besides, most of his friends smoked. He said it was just a 'social thing' and that they just smoked a few cigarettes at parties. I'm just worried that today it's nicotine, but tomorrow it could be marijuana or something worse. If I tell him that, he just tells me to relax. I can see I'm not getting through to him."

 

These are situations every parent has to face at some point. If it's not drinking, it's smoking or inappropriate dressing or late nights or overspending…the list is endless and so are the arguments. There seems to be no solution as parents and teenagers talk themselves hoarse trying to explain their respective points of view, their arguments apparently falling on deaf ears. 

 

Parents, speaking as adults who have forgotten the angst of their teenage years tend to discount the very real power of peer pressure. For teenagers, desperately trying to fit in, peer pressure is something that they find very difficult to withstand. However, conscientious parents are not going to allow their children to blindly live by the dictates of their peer group if it's not good for them. This is the age when children are trying to find themselves and develop their value systems. At this time, it is their parents and not their peers who will be their best guides. Unfortunately, they can't see that.

 

 

The question is how do parents counteract the effects of peer pressure? Most of them follow the traditional method of criticism and condemnation that increases in frequency with every transgression till it becomes plain nagging. Even as adults we know how effective that is. It isn't. Your teenager will simply tune you out. They will feel that you never have anything good to say so why bother listening. This is definitely not the response you want to get. Here are some tips that should help you become more adept at counteracting the forces of peer pressure.

For Parent Counselling in Ranchi: log on to http://www.psychographicsociety.com/index.html or call 9709534303
Source: India Parenting

Coping with Your Preteen : New Age Parenting

From : India Parenting

 

Your preteen is just starting to discover her unique identity. Here are some tips to help cope with her newfound independence.

Teenage years can be a difficult time for any family. However, in today's world, children are beginning to assert their independence at a younger age. Your preteen (between the ages of 10 and 12) will now start to place greater emphasis on her friends and social life. At the same time, you are still an important part of her life. You are responsible for guiding her in her decisions, and supporting her when she makes them. She may not always express her needs but she still requires your love and affection. Here are some ways to strengthen the bond with your preteen.

Have Family Meals

During the day, members of your family are busy with their own tasks. It is likely that they do not even meet each other during the day. Make it a point to have a family dinner each day. This provides valuable quality time for you and your preteen. If possible, have your preteen help out in the kitchen or set the table. This will give you an opportunity to speak with your child and ask her about her day.

Dinner need not always be a home-cooked affair. Even if you are too tired to cook a meal, you can order something from a restaurant. However, make sure that the family sits down for dinner together. Switch off the television. This time is for family members talk to one another, which is not always possible at other times.

If your preteen's schedule is such that she cannot be present for a family dinner everyday, try to work around it. For example, you can schedule her free night as special family night. Try to have some games that everyone can join in. This helps to strengthen the bond between your preteen and you.

Stick to a Bedtime Routine

Preteens require a certain amount of sleep to keep them healthy and alert. Many parents make the mistake of not maintaining a bedtime routine for their preteen. As she grows older, she will want to stay up late to watch TV or complete school projects. Alternatively, she may want to go out for a late night party. As a parent, only you can decide a suitable bedtime for your child. While it is okay to allow your child to stay up late occasionally, do not let this become a regular occurrence.

It is a good idea to develop a consistent nightly routine with your preteen, before she goes to sleep. At this age, your child does not want you to tuck her in. However, this does not mean you cannot say goodnight in other ways like a simple hug or kiss. Set aside some time when you and your preteen can speak to her without any outside interruptions. Ask her what her plans are for the following day. If your teen does not want you to kiss her goodnight, you could still pat her on her shoulder or back.

Spend Quality Time with Her

At this stage of her life, your preteen will want to spend all her free time with her friends. To spend some time with her, find a way to include her in daily activities. Invite her to be a part of your daily jog. If you have a dog, ask your preteen to come along when you take the dog for a walk. Other activities include baking a cake, cleaning a room, watching a TV show, etc. Along with using these activities to enjoy each other's company, your preteen is likely to use them as a platform to speak her mind.

Your preteen tends to feel more comfortable in these situations. She may also be more inclined to mention if something is troubling her because she is focussed on another task. This way she does not have to make eye contact with you.

As your child grows, continue to take an active interest in her life. Always keep yourself up-to-date on your preteen's interests and decisions. If you let your child know you are always there for her, she will be encouraged to approach you when she needs help.

फेसबुक से चुराकर एडल्‍ट साइट्स पर अपलोड हो रही हैं टीनएजर्स की पर्सनल फोटो

This is article reposted from India today. Edited by Babita Pant.

जिन लोगों के घरों में स्‍कूल जाने वाले बच्‍चे हैं, वे इस खबर को जरूर पढ़ें. आप यह जानकर हैरान रह जाएंगे कि इन दिनों टीनएज बच्‍चे सिलेबस और नोट्स के अलावा अपनी नेकेड तस्‍वीरें भी एक-दूसरे के साथ शेयर कर रहे हैं. और ये तस्‍वीरें एडल्‍ट वेबसाइट्स पर अपलोड हो रही हैं.

अकसर लड़कियां अपने क्‍लास में पढ़ने वाले लड़कों के कहने पर अपनी नग्‍न और कामुक तस्‍वीरें उन्‍हें मोबाइल पर भेजती हैं. इस ट्रेंड को 'सेक्‍सटिंग' नाम से जाना जाता है.

लेकिन लड़कियों को इस बात का पता नहीं होता कि उनकी ये तस्‍वीरें पूरे स्‍कूल में घूमती हुईं फेसबुक जैसी सोशल नेटवर्किंग साइट्स पर पहुंच जाती हैं और यहां से इन्‍हें चुराकर पीडोफाइल वेबसाइट्स पर अपलोड कर दिया जाता है. आपको बता दें कि जो वयस्‍क बच्‍चों से सेक्‍शुअली आकर्षित हाते हैं उन्‍हें पीडोफाइल कहा जाता है और ऐसे लोगों के लिए इंटरनेट पर ढेर सारी पीडोफाइल वेबसाइट्स मौजूद हैं, जहां पर बच्‍चों की नग्‍न और कामुक तस्‍वीरें होती हैं.

पहले एक जांच से खुलासा हुआ था कि ब्रिटेन में 13 साल के बच्‍चे भी अकसर अपनी न्‍यूड फोटो एक-दूसरे के साथ शेयर करते हैं. और अब इंटरनेट वॉच फाउंडेशन ने अपनी जांच में पाया है कि ये तस्‍वीरें इंटरनेट पर अपलोड भी हो रही हैं.

फाउंडेशन की चीफ एग्‍जीक्‍यूटिव सूजी हारग्रीव्‍स बताती हैं कि बच्‍चों द्वारा खींची गईं खुद की फोटो ही पीडोफाइल वेबसाइट्स के लिए तस्‍वीरों का सबसे बड़ा स्रोत हैं. उन्‍होंने बताया, 'हमारी टीम ने लगातार 40 घंटे तक की गई एक सर्च के दौरान पाया कि 70 पीडोफाइल वेबसाइट्स में टीनएजर्स की 12, 224 सेल्फ जेनरेटेड नेकेड तस्‍वीरें हैं.'

हारग्रीव्‍स का कहना है कि हमें बच्‍चों को स्‍कूल में सेक्‍सटिंग के खतरों के बारे में बतना होगा, ताकि वे समझ सकें कि एक बार अगर उनकी कोई तस्‍वीर या वीडियो ऑनलाइन अपलोड हो गए तो उसकी हर एक कॉपी को रिमूव करना आसान नहीं होगा.

उन्‍होंने कहा, 'ये वही तस्‍वीरें है जो किसी टीनएज ने खुद से खींची होंगी और उन्‍हें अपने दोस्‍त के साथ शेयर किया होगा. इसके बाद फोटो स्‍कूल भर में घूमी, फिर सोशल नेटवर्किंग साइट पर अपलोड हुईं और यहां से किसी ने इन्‍हें चुराकर एडल्‍ट वेबसाइट पर अपलोड कर दिया.'

वैसे, ये रिसर्च ब्रिटेन में की गई है, लेकिन भारत के लिए भी यह खतरे की घंटी है क्‍योंकि यहां पर आज बच्‍चों के हाथ में मोबाइल हैं और उनके फेसबुक एकाउंट भी हैं. ऐसे में जरूरी है कि आप अपने बच्‍चों से भी इस बारे में जरूर बात करें.

 

 

फेसबुक पर एक्टिव इंडियन टीनएजर्स कर रहे हैं कोड लैंग्वेज का इस्तेमाल

India Today is the source of this Article. It was writen by Sonali Chatterjee and Aditi Pai

जब पिछले महीने हर्ष कनोरिया के अंग्रेजी के टेस्ट के नंबर तीस प्रतिशत से नीचे चले गए तो उसकी मां को चिंता हुई. उन्होंने हर्ष की नोट बुक, ई-मेल और फेसबुक पोस्ट खंगाली तो पता चला कि उनका 15 वर्षीय बेटा अब आम लफ्जों में नहीं, कोड में अपनी बातों को लिखता है. यह अपरिचित जुबान थी.

अंकों और अक्षरों में गुंथे हुए कोड, गूढ़ शब्द और कुछ खिचड़ी शब्द जो किसी सीक्रेट मिशन से लिए हुए लगते थे. साथियों का एक झुंड बियर की बोतलों के बीच बैठा था और पोस्ट पर Ridneck, पिछली रात MWI हो गया था, PIR TTYL जैसे अक्षर चमक रहे थे. हर्ष की साइबर दुनिया से बेखबर आर्किटेक्ट मम्मी जब इन शब्दों की गुत्थी को नहीं सुलझ पाईं तो उन्होंने इन्हें कुछ ऐसी वेबसाइट्स पर डाला जो किशारों के फेसबुक कोड बताती हैं.

तब उन्हें इसमें छिपे गुप्त संदेश पढऩे को मिले-‘‘शर्म आती है,’’ ‘‘कल रात नशे में टली हो गया था’’, ‘‘पेरेंट्स कमरे में हैं,’’ बाद में बात करते हैं. मुंबई के संभ्रांत सबअर्बन स्कूल का यह छात्र अब वीकेंड में एक काउंसलर के पास बैठकर फेसबुक की शब्दावली को भूलने के साथ-साथ यह भी सीख रहा है कि अजनबियों के सामने अपनी अंतरंग बातें नहीं बतानी चाहिए.

हर्ष का इलाज कर रहीं मुंबई की चाइल्ड साइकोलॉजिस्ट सुधा रामेश्वर ने बताया, ‘‘आज के किशोर अपनी जिंदगी और निजी पलों की जानकारी जिस तरह एकदम अजनबी लोगों को बता देते हैं, उसे देखकर हैरत होती है. असल में इन सब बातों को अपने माता-पिता से छिपाने के लिए वे कोड वर्ड्स का सहारा लेते हैं, जबकि बच्चों और पेरेंट्स के रिश्तों को सबसे खुला होना चाहिए. वे सच्चाई से भागकर नकली दुनिया में रहने लगते हैं और असल जिंदगी में बेहद गोपनीय हो जाते हैं, जिस वजह से पहचान का संकट खड़ा हो जाता है.’’

हर्ष की तरह पूरे भारत में फेसबुक और चौट के दीवाने करोड़ों किशोर कोड से जुड़ी एक नई लैंग्वेज सीख रहे हैं, एक ऐसी जुबान जिससे उनके माता-पिता ही नहीं बल्कि कभी-कभी उनसे ठीक पहले की पीढ़ी भी अनजान है. एसओएस सिगनल से लेकर ड्रग्स के लिए कोड और सेक्स की बातों के लिए संक्षिप्त शब्दों वाली यह नई लैंग्वेज बन रही है और दूसरे लोगों को छकाने के लिए है.

वे ‘E’ (एक्सटेसी ड्रग) बांटते हैं, ‘juice’ (वीड यानी चरस) मांगते हैं, चौट विंडो में हॉट गर्ल्स से कहते हैं, TDTM (टॉक डर्टी टू मी यानी मुझसे गंदी बात करो) और झटपट यह एलान करने के बाद कि वे ‘Legal’ (16 की उम्र और सेक्स करने की अनुमति) हैं. साफ  कहते हैं, IWSN (आई वांट सेक्स नाउ यानी मुझे सेक्स करना है). वे अपनी दबी हुई भावनाएं और सीक्रेट्स को असली दुनिया की बजाए सोशल नेटवर्किंग वेबसाइटस पर पोस्ट करते हैं, कैंपस में नए बच्चे की रैगिंग करते हैं और पार्टनर बनाते हैं.

टाटा कंसल्टेंसी सर्विसेज (टीसीएस) के जेन वाइ सर्वेक्षण 2012-13 के नतीजे बताते हैं कि 1996 के बाद जन्मी पीढ़ी में से करीब 74 फीसदी फोन पर बात करने की बजाए सोशल मीडिया को पसंद करते हैं और सर्वेक्षण में शामिल 92 फीसदी के लिए साथियों से संपर्क का पहला माध्यम फेसबुक जैसे नेटवर्क हैं.

शहरी किशोरों में स्मार्टफोन का होना अनिवार्य होता जा रहा है. किसी भी समय चाहें वे चल ही क्यों न रहे हों, चोट करना अब आम बात हो चुकी है. टीसीएस सर्वेक्षण यह भी बताता है कि 17 साल से कम उम्र में हर दस में से छह किशोरों के पास स्मार्टफोन रहता है, जिससे उनके बीच बातचीत का माध्यम साइबर कम्युनिकेशन हो गया है. 



जिंदगी उतनी प्राइवेट नहीं रही
जब एनआरआइ अनमोल सरना ने कनाडा में अपनी वीड (चरस) की मस्ती और कॉलेज में नशे की हालत में झगड़ों की जानकारी फेसबुक और ट्विटर पर डाली थी, तब उसे इस बात का कतई अंदाजा नहीं था कि एक दिन उसका हर शब्द देशभर की पत्र-पत्रिकाओं में छपेगा. इस 21 वर्षीय एनआरआइ नौजवान की 13 सितंबर को दिल्ली में त्रासदीपूर्ण हालात में मौत हो गई.

कहते हैं कि उसकी रेव पार्टी (नशे और मस्ती की पार्टी) में सब गड़बड़ हो गया था. वैसे सोशल मीडिया पर अपना सब कुछ उधेड़कर रख देने वाला वह अकेला नौजवान नहीं है. इंस्टाग्राम पर पहली डेट की तस्वीरों से लेकर फेसबुक पर अपनी वर्जिनिटी (कौमार्य) खोने की पोस्ट तक, ट्विटर पर परीक्षा के पर्चे में नकल से लेकर बदला लेने वाली विशेष अश्लील वेबसाइट्स पर अपनी पूर्व प्रेमिका के नंगे कार्टून तक आज ऑनलाइन पोस्ट में कुछ भी बहुत प्राइवेट नहीं रह गया है.

दिनेश वर्मा (बदला हुआ नाम) का कहना है, ‘‘अनमोल तो एक औसत नौजवान था. जब आप किसी ट्वीट का जवाब देते हैं या किसी के स्टेटस पर टिप्पणी करते हैं तो आपको जरा भी अंदाजा नहीं होता कि एक दिन सारी दुनिया इनको देख-पढ़ लेगी. यह एक बुलबुले जैसा है, जिसमें आप अपनी जिंदगी को प्राइवेट और सुरक्षित मानते हैं, असल में ऐसा होता नहीं है.’’  अनमोल के कुछ दोस्तों ने दिल्ली के 20 वर्षीय दिनेश की जान-पहचान न्यूयॉर्क के हिक्सविल में कराई थी, जहां वह बड़ा हुआ था.

हाल ही में हैदराबाद में एक 14 वर्षीया स्कूली छात्रा उस समय हैरान रह गई, जब उसकी फेसबुक पर उसे बाइसेक्सुअल और लेस्बियन (समलैंगिक) बताने वाले संदेशों की बौछार होने लगी. असल में उसने अपनी सबसे खास सहेली को गले लगाने की तस्वीर फेसबुक पर डाल दी थी. उसने यह तस्वीर हटा दी, फिर भी उसके पेज पर अश्लील कमेंट बरसते रहे. इस साइबर दादागीरी के सदमे से उबरने के लिए उसे काउंसलर की मदद लेनी पड़ी.

पुणे में किशोरों की काउंसलिंग करने वाले ध्रवव फनसालकर का कहना है, ‘‘अधिकतर लोगों के लिए सोशल नेटवर्किंग अपनी हर छोटी-बड़ी बात की नुमाइश करने के लिए है. वे ये नहीं जानते कि निजी तस्वीरों और गतिविधियों की जानकारी से उन्हें भावनात्मक रूप से चोट पहुंच सकती है.’’ 

फर्स्ट मंडे नाम की एक ऑनलाइन पत्रिका के सर्वेक्षण से पता चला कि अमेरिका में यूनिवर्सिटी के पहले साल के 1,115 छात्रों के समूहों में से सिर्फ 26 प्रतिशत ने फेसबुक पर अपनी प्राइवेसी सेटिंग नियमित रूप से अपडेट की और उस पर नजर रखी. सर्वे में जवाब देने वाले अधिकतर नौजवानों को सोशल मीडिया नेटवर्क्स पर प्राइवेसी के बारे में या तो कोई जानकारी नहीं थी या कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं थी.

गुडग़ांव में स्टुडेंट्स काउंसलर 42 वर्षीया सुनीता मखचंदानी के मुताबिक, ‘‘छात्र जानते हैं कि ऑनलाइन प्राइवेसी सेटिंग्स होती हैं, लेकिन  नियमित रूप से उन्हें चेक नहीं करते. इसकी वजह यह है कि बहुत लोग सोशल मीडिया नेटवर्क्स का इस्तेमाल करते हैं. लोग अपने आप मान लेते हैं कि जब इतने सारे लोग इस साइट को इस्तेमाल कर रहे हैं तो यह सुरक्षित ही होगी.

बिना सोचे-समझे स्कूल में टॉयलेट ब्रेक से लेकर सिगरेट पीने तक हर बात की जानकारी ऑनलाइन पोस्ट की जा रही है.’’ अनमोल ने अपनी पोस्ट में खुलेआम अपने दोस्तों को निग्गाज (हब्शी) कहा था. इससे पता चलता है कि प्राइवेट ऑफलाइन जिंदगी और दिखने में प्राइवेट वर्चुअल जिंदगी के बीच की विभाजन रेखा मिटती जा रही है.

नीरस और खतरनाक
बहुत-से बच्चों के लिए सोशल मीडिया, स्कूल के बाद का नया शगल है. नॉर्टन ने 18 से 64 साल के अक्सर इंटरनेट इस्तेमाल करने वाले 500 लोगों के बीच एक सर्वेक्षण किया, जिससे पता चला कि एक औसत भारतीय हफ्ते में 9.7 घंटे फेसबुक करते हुए गुजारता है. दिल्ली के लेडी श्रीराम कॉलेज की प्रिंसिपल मीनाक्षी गोपीनाथ का कहना है कि पेरेंटिंग और शिक्षा किशोरों की ऑनलाइन जिंदगी तय करने में अहम भूमिका निभा सकते हैं.

एकल परिवार, किशोरावस्था से पहले अनदेखी, साथियों का दबाव और समाज में एक-दूसरे को जोडऩे वाले संपर्कों का अभाव बहुत से लोगों को ऑनलाइन जिंदगी जीने के लिए मजबूर कर रहा है. गोपीनाथ कहती हैं, ‘‘जब हम बड़े हो रहे थे तो संगीत या सांस्कृतिक कार्यक्रमों में जाते थे, दादा-नाना के साथ घूमने जाते थे और अगर वाकई में कोई दिन उबाऊ होता था तो कॉलोनी के दोस्तों के साथ पिट्ठू खेल लेते थे.

आज के बच्चे पूरी तरह एकल माहौल में जी रहे हैं. पहले जो समय ऑफलाइन सामाजिक संपर्कों में बीतता था, अब वह सोशल मीडिया पर गुजरता है.’’

यह पीढ़ी ज्यादा से ज्यादा समय साइबर स्पेस में बिता रही है और साइबर स्पेस में साइबर स्नूपिंग और नफरत फैलाने वाले समूहों की ओर से ऑनलाइन धमकाने जैसी कई घटनाएं सामने आ रही हैं. पिछले दिनों दिल्ली में एक लड़के ने अपने एक सहपाठी को इसलिए पीट दिया कि उसने शराब की एक पार्टी की तस्वीर को डिजिटली बदलकर ऑनलाइन पोस्ट कर दिया था.

साइबर सदमे की घटनाओं और पिछले दिनों सोशल मीडिया पर धमकाए जाने के बाद अमेरिका में 13 वर्षीया छात्रा की आत्महत्या की खबर आने के बाद माता-पिता, शिक्षक और विशेषज्ञ सोशल नेटवर्किंग के बेहिसाब इस्तेमाल के खतरों के प्रति जागरूक हो रहे हैं. 

इस साल के शुरू में बीजेपी के पूर्व नेता के.एन. गोविंदाचार्य ने दिल्ली हाइकोर्ट में याचिका दायर कर मांग की थी कि नाबालिग बच्चों को फेसबुक पर खाता खोलने से रोका जाए. याचिका के अनुसार इस तरह के खाते खोलने की अनुमति देना इंडियन मेजॉरिटी एक्ट और इंडिया कॉन्ट्रेक्ट एक्ट और सूचना एवं प्रौद्योगिकी अधिनियम का उल्लंघन है. 

अठारह साल से कम उम्र के लोगों के लिए सोशल नेटवर्किंग पर कोर्ट ने अभी तक चाबुक नहीं चलाया है, लेकिन गुडग़ांव स्थित दिल्ली पब्लिक स्कूल और बंगलुरू के विद्या निकेतन जैसे स्कूलों ने सोशल मीडिया से जुड़ी समस्याओं से बचने के लिए स्टुडेंट्स के फेसबुक इस्तेमाल पर पूरी तरह रोक लगा दी है.

पुणे में बहुत से स्कूल स्टुडेंट्स को इस साइबर जिंदगी से अलग करने के तरीके तलाश रहे हैं. जो भी हो, फिलहाल तो फेसबुक आधुनिक किशोरों के लिए पढऩे का कोना भी है और खेल का मैदान भी.